Written on the 9th September for 1 month old Ella Grace Binos
Little Ella, it’s been one month since you entered the world. We have grown to learn so much about you, and you have, in this short space of time taught us so much. I have so enjoyed learning about you – even though you can’t talk I have had to learn to understand you a little better. I love the way you purse your little rosebud lips when you are trying to poo, and the way you love to fall asleep sucking your dummy but don’t necessarily like to sleep with your dummy in your mouth. I marvel at the way you know our voices and how our singing just calms you down when you are in pain, hungry or have a wet nappy. On Friday night I took you to Kath’s house for dinner with all my old digs mates. On the way there you were visibly upset because you were starving. I could not find your dummy while driving so started singing to you – within a few seconds your screams died down into little content noises. Amazing! I love the content little noises you make when you are happy. These little grunts and whimpers make me smile – a big huge smile.
I am intrigued to see my husband play the role of father. I am more in love with Steve because of you. I love watching him sing to you – songs which he makes up in the moment which sometimes make me laugh out loud. I have hundreds of photos of both of you sleeping soundly – with your little body nestled into the contours of his chest. They say that husbands often don’t bond with their newborn babies as much as the mothers – this is not the case with your dad. He insists on having quality cuddle time with you every day and will even change your nappies just to be with you. We think you smiled for the first time yesterday – at your dad while you were in bed together. You will probably be a daddy’s girl!
In your second week of life, I went to get you weighed. I was surprised at my response to the news that you had failed to pick up weight. Initially I was unfazed but then horrified that you were not getting enough nutrition from me! Your feeds increased from 6 – 8 times a day after that news and you left me emotionally and physically drained as I tried to force you to eat more! After 3 days I gave up – and went back to what seemed like your rhythm – 6-7 feeds with long stints of sleep in the night time (perfect!). Thankfully you put on 200g at the next visit. I am learning to listen to what you need.
You have given me greater insight into how much God loves me. We are of no use to God yet he chooses to engage and love us. In the same way, you are not much use to me, yet I love you with a love that I have not yet experienced in my life thus far. I did not know that I had the capacity to love like I love you. You have not only changed my life but that of the entire extended family. With your birth, has been the concurrent birth for the first time of 1 mother and father, 2 aunts, 1 granny and grandpa…you have added so much to all of our worlds. You have enriched so many lives at an age where all you can do is feed, burp, groan, poo and wee, fart and cry. You have also been lavished with so so many gifts. You even received a gift from the dogs in the park – Pumba, Narla and Tosca! Your aunty Mel has been ridiculously generous – handing on every baby accessory under the sun for us to use. You love the kango pouch and you met the Plumstead park lovers at 1 week old whilst tucked away in your pouch on dads chest. Granny Ali joins me on clinic visits – it makes these times way more fun.
At one month of age we already have such cool memories with you! I will never forget feeding you for the first time with the midwife we call ‘5 minutes please forgive me’…and the way Steve drove us home from the hospital averaging 30km/hour…or your first beach walk on Noordhoek at age 17days old with Bruno…and lazy days on the weekends with family in Fishoek and Newlands where you are really the centre of attention.
I am amazed that God has given me you – and I constantly pray that I will I grow in knowledge and understanding of how best to steward the life he has given me in you. One of my greatest fears that I have had to fight in the last month is that I will lose you. But then I realise you are actually not mine in the first place – just a temporary gift that I get to look after for a while. This is so hard.
This last month you have taught me the true meaning of the world selfless. So much of what I would normally consume my day with has been sidelined to take care of you. Strangely though I don’t mind responding to every little need you have. I don’t mind the projectile poos, the persistently broken and interrupted sleep, the disrupted plans I have made to hang with friends, the extra washing, the anxiety you induce when I know something is wrong but just don’t know what!
You are such a princess. We have been astounded at the way you have managed to fit into our lives. We take you everywhere with us. You have slept in noisy shopping malls, bustling restaurants, church meetings through blasting times of worship, on other peoples beds during dinner with friends… and if listening to good teaching at a young age has anything to do with intelligence – you will be very very clever. You have already listened to hours of RT Kendal preaching, numerous sermons by Terran, Rigby, Christo, your dad and mum. You are as well behaved as any 1 month babe can be – sometimes you even allow me to get stints of sleep as long as 4 hours at a time. You burp easily, feed well and even put yourself to sleep in your moses basket. Recently you have started staring at your little teddy on the blanket. You seem to feel comforted by his presence. You don’t mind being looked after by granny sally. When you were 10 days old we ventured out to a 50th birthday party and you slept soundly at granny’s house. You allow us to still have a relatively busy social life.
Ella Grace – your arrival has mostly increased my appetite for life. You have catalysed within me an intensity of emotions I have not yet experienced. With an increased capacity to love has come a greater risk of losing that which I have come to treasure so much. I am learning to be grateful for every day I have with you – life is precious.
As we both grow in understanding of each other and what to expect from this new season of life, its getting easier. You will never be smaller than you are today – I am learning to appreciate each day with you and all the little milestones you conquer. Time flies – I am intent on relishing each stage of your little life.
Love your Mama
I am intrigued to see my husband play the role of father. I am more in love with Steve because of you. I love watching him sing to you – songs which he makes up in the moment which sometimes make me laugh out loud. I have hundreds of photos of both of you sleeping soundly – with your little body nestled into the contours of his chest. They say that husbands often don’t bond with their newborn babies as much as the mothers – this is not the case with your dad. He insists on having quality cuddle time with you every day and will even change your nappies just to be with you. We think you smiled for the first time yesterday – at your dad while you were in bed together. You will probably be a daddy’s girl!
In your second week of life, I went to get you weighed. I was surprised at my response to the news that you had failed to pick up weight. Initially I was unfazed but then horrified that you were not getting enough nutrition from me! Your feeds increased from 6 – 8 times a day after that news and you left me emotionally and physically drained as I tried to force you to eat more! After 3 days I gave up – and went back to what seemed like your rhythm – 6-7 feeds with long stints of sleep in the night time (perfect!). Thankfully you put on 200g at the next visit. I am learning to listen to what you need.
You have given me greater insight into how much God loves me. We are of no use to God yet he chooses to engage and love us. In the same way, you are not much use to me, yet I love you with a love that I have not yet experienced in my life thus far. I did not know that I had the capacity to love like I love you. You have not only changed my life but that of the entire extended family. With your birth, has been the concurrent birth for the first time of 1 mother and father, 2 aunts, 1 granny and grandpa…you have added so much to all of our worlds. You have enriched so many lives at an age where all you can do is feed, burp, groan, poo and wee, fart and cry. You have also been lavished with so so many gifts. You even received a gift from the dogs in the park – Pumba, Narla and Tosca! Your aunty Mel has been ridiculously generous – handing on every baby accessory under the sun for us to use. You love the kango pouch and you met the Plumstead park lovers at 1 week old whilst tucked away in your pouch on dads chest. Granny Ali joins me on clinic visits – it makes these times way more fun.
At one month of age we already have such cool memories with you! I will never forget feeding you for the first time with the midwife we call ‘5 minutes please forgive me’…and the way Steve drove us home from the hospital averaging 30km/hour…or your first beach walk on Noordhoek at age 17days old with Bruno…and lazy days on the weekends with family in Fishoek and Newlands where you are really the centre of attention.
I am amazed that God has given me you – and I constantly pray that I will I grow in knowledge and understanding of how best to steward the life he has given me in you. One of my greatest fears that I have had to fight in the last month is that I will lose you. But then I realise you are actually not mine in the first place – just a temporary gift that I get to look after for a while. This is so hard.
This last month you have taught me the true meaning of the world selfless. So much of what I would normally consume my day with has been sidelined to take care of you. Strangely though I don’t mind responding to every little need you have. I don’t mind the projectile poos, the persistently broken and interrupted sleep, the disrupted plans I have made to hang with friends, the extra washing, the anxiety you induce when I know something is wrong but just don’t know what!
You are such a princess. We have been astounded at the way you have managed to fit into our lives. We take you everywhere with us. You have slept in noisy shopping malls, bustling restaurants, church meetings through blasting times of worship, on other peoples beds during dinner with friends… and if listening to good teaching at a young age has anything to do with intelligence – you will be very very clever. You have already listened to hours of RT Kendal preaching, numerous sermons by Terran, Rigby, Christo, your dad and mum. You are as well behaved as any 1 month babe can be – sometimes you even allow me to get stints of sleep as long as 4 hours at a time. You burp easily, feed well and even put yourself to sleep in your moses basket. Recently you have started staring at your little teddy on the blanket. You seem to feel comforted by his presence. You don’t mind being looked after by granny sally. When you were 10 days old we ventured out to a 50th birthday party and you slept soundly at granny’s house. You allow us to still have a relatively busy social life.
Ella Grace – your arrival has mostly increased my appetite for life. You have catalysed within me an intensity of emotions I have not yet experienced. With an increased capacity to love has come a greater risk of losing that which I have come to treasure so much. I am learning to be grateful for every day I have with you – life is precious.
As we both grow in understanding of each other and what to expect from this new season of life, its getting easier. You will never be smaller than you are today – I am learning to appreciate each day with you and all the little milestones you conquer. Time flies – I am intent on relishing each stage of your little life.
Love your Mama
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