38.8 degrees celcius

That's what the thermometer said after I picked up my burning hot, flushed in the face little girl out of her cot yesterday morning. I am not used to dealing with high temps...its only ever happened 2 other times and I have never battled to get it down. Not fun. Ella has been spiking high temps on and off for the last 48 hours and I have had to press pause on the rest of life and give 100% of my attention to this little babe. I am not very good at the whole deal with sick kid thing. In fact I am really not brave at all. outwardly I may look calm, cool, collected...inside I am panicking about meningitis, pneumonia, parasitic infection from being constantly licked by Bruno...a little bit of medical knowledge (that which I can remember from studying 10 yrs ago) is really a very bad thing. I took Ella to the doc and had to concentrate on not crying as I held her limp little body which was whimpering in my arms! Flip man. It sucked big time. And then there is the rash. This rash made up of tiny little blisters, that has spread down her leg that every doc seems completely unperturbed by. Ok. I should chill. She is now on anti biotics, hopefully for an infection that is not viral!

I am emotionally shattered.

Today she wanted to be held by me 24/7...as clingy as a limpet. She cried for 2 hours non stop, probably gut ache. Taking her to the paed tomorrow - just to make sure everything is ok.

Have also been quite hectically involved in the refugee crisis. For the first time in my life I feel embarrassed to be South African. I am abhorred by the behaviour of our own people towards foreigners. Mum has 5 Zimbos living in their studio...Patricia has been spending some nights at our place. Their budget for accommodation for 5 people is R1000/month. Basically this equates to a shack in Khayelitsha, the township they escaped from and wont return to. Will take a miracle to find them a place close to this part of town for that rental.

Its been ages since I blogged... find I am most motivated to blog when I am feeling stuffed by life. blog therapy. That's what it is. Helps me process the days events. I do try to capture life's cooking on gas moments but then its not for therapeutic reasons. I frequently write blog posts in my head - but they seldom make it to the laptop key board. Sad really. At the end of the day I am so freakin stuffed that the pillow is all I need...and no matter how good those little blog thoughts were in the day, they go hopping sideways for the desire to be horizontal.

Here's hoping for a good, ella fever free night.