30 going on 21

I sometimes still feel like I am 21, even though I recently turned 30. I have carefree 21 thoughts... like why dont a I just throw a back pack on my back and travel the world. Then I remember that I have a dog, husband, house, babe... I feel younger than 30 but often catch myself acting in a typical mom kind of way - and I scare myself when I realise I am doing the very things that my mother did - which drove me mad...

I sort the cuttlery into different compartments in the dishwasher...

I love space and order in my home - no clutter - no mess

I get strangely energised by ensuring that everything has a place

I have grown old.

I am so excited about this decade. I loved my 20s but this decade is going to be so full of so many things I love - mainly growing (literally and figuratively) as a family. So bring on the 30s.

I entered my 4th decade of life in style. Steve out did himself - making me feel thoroughly loved with his thoughtfulness. We left Ella with Granny Sally for a whole night and morning, and revelled in uninterupted time... sea swim at Boulders, brekki in Simonstown, shopping, run in the forest and an amazing family meal at the end of the day. What a treat.

On a different note, Ella pooed on me today. How is it possible that you can honestly love someone so much in the midst of being crapped on. It happened in the middle of trying to clean her up from the previous explosion...midway between changing mat and bathroom basin - all over the floor, my arm and legs. I looked at her and bust out laughing when I saw the delight in her little face. Steve was less impressed, in fact he was trying not to hurl.

So the unpredictable Ella has resorted to mid night feeding again. Her feeding machines are struggling to figure out what she actually needs. Amazing how my emotions are attached to my boobs. Anyway - in spite of being the smallest babe in the August batch in mums group - she looks pretty healthy. No use stressing.

Loving this crazily paradoxical season - I have never been so unproductive, yet so exhausted by the intensity of 24...7...365..nature of caring for Ella. When I get to the end of the day, shattered and Steve asks: you look exhausted - what did you do today babe? In one sentence I reply look after ella love. That is my life primarily at the moment - ella - ella - ella, but with lots of fun stuff in between.