Involuntary selflessness

This phrase is what would best summarise my last 2 months, selfless, utterly selfless. I have been meaning to blog for ages - and every day I have these moment I long to blog - but somehow, with just one little tyke, I dont ever get to my laptop - the one toy in my life that prior to Ella was used everyday...and often all day. I miss my laptop time.

But inspite of the intensity, the all consuming nature of motherhood, I am besotted with my girl. I secretly hope that I will have the time to back blog but in case I never get around to it I must capture some of those blog moments in case they are lost forever. Ella - here are snapshots of the last 2 months of your life...

At 2 age 2 months you freaked me out - you had your first fever. I tried not to panic as I watched the digits on the digital thermometer rise to an unhealthy 38 degrees celcius. No - I am not the paranoid type but I had been instructed by Dr. Wicht, your pead, to call if it ever went over 37. My treasure - you will only know how protective you feel over your own children when you have a child yourself. I can not believe how a small fever made me feel so concerned about you.

We have also been battling what I think is colic - together. You cry, I cry. It has not been bad - but bad enough for you to not enjoy your waking hours. Bad enough for you to niggle and cramp all day long and then there is the night time... you used to fart from 3am to 6pm...3 hours! I would lie awake, exhausted listening to you in your little moses crib next to my bed. On your 3 month old birthday you slept for an 8 hour stretch from your last feed. You stirred at 6am - much to our delight. It was my first proper sleep in months and months. The next night you moved into your own room. And 3 nights later into your cot. You look so flippin tiny in your large cot. There is still space for all your fluffy toys to park off at the end of the bed. nYou are now sleeping through - I give you a top up feed when I go to bed and you sleep til about 6. This has changed my life. And oh - so has peppermintdrops Behoedsmiddel vir kinders. Before every feed you have a dop - works like a charm - you are now a contented babe in your awake hours. Which means I get to enjoy you a whole lot better.

You have been inundadted with love. I wish it were possible to remember the ealry stages of ones life. Ella - you are ridiculously loved. Your grannies and grandpas are besotted with you. We spend lots of time at mum and dads house - just so I can get some time to sleep or catch up with the rest of life. Dad said this to me the other day: I have not felt such strong love feelings for a little babe for a very long time - in fact I can not remember ever feeling so stronlgy about a baby. I just love this little girl. You slept over at mum and dads on my 30th birthday - I saved up 4 bottles for your granny to feed you and had a whole morning with Steve - felt like a 2 week holiday! But I missed you. I am stuffed - life is incomplete when you are not around, but when you are around, I miss my own spontaneous freedom! Another one of those life paradoxes.

You are starting to try and roll now - you used to hate being on your tummy but you like it now. And you love to be held facing outwards. You hate not being able to have a full view of the world around you. You are crazily inquisitive...your little face often demonstrates high levels of alertness and concentration as you scan the world. You are so flippin cute.

I love you my babe, now I have 2 babes - I love them both, too much.